Dudes, great news.  I know some of you conservative bastards are going to be gloating and thinking that I’ll finally go away.  Think again man.  Yesterday’s election is proof that progressive ideas are on the march.

Check it out man, when George McGovern ran for president he lost to Richard Nixon.  Richard Nixon, man!  Mondale lost every state but one.  Dukakis got more votes than Mondale, but he still lost big.  Then there was Kerry.

Dudes, Kerry is the most liberal member of the U.S. Senate and he still only lost by like three million votes.  Think about it man.  Progressive ideas are really taking hold.  Fucking think about it!

Dudes, you’re not going to believe this.  I saw this Bush add where there are a bunch of wolves and shit running around in the woods.  Man, I knew Dubbya was an idiot, but I didn’t know he was that stupid.  I mean does George W. Bush really want people thinking about wild animals and the wilderness when they go to the polls?  I mean dudes, if people are thinking about the environment, he will definitely loose.

That only part of the good news dudes.  Our next first lady finally said it like it is.  Man I am so sick and tired of that smug Lara Bush pretending like she’s important.  Finally Teresa came out and said teacher is not a real job.  I mean please.  Like Lara Bush ever accomplished anything in her life.  Dudes, the next four years are going to be so awesome!

Dudes, I went to get my flu shot the other day.  I’m young and healthy, so I probably don’t need a flu shot.  You know me though man.  I love drugs.  Anyway, it turns out there aren’t enough shots for everyone this year.

You know this is Bush’s fault.  I mean dude, the British government shut down one of the big suppliers, and you know Tony Blair loves President Bush.  For a while I couldn’t figure out why Bush would want to limit the flu shot.

Then the other day I was reading Salon.com about how Bush wants to privatize social security.  That’s a stupid idear.  But now it all makes sense dude.  Bush wants old folks to catch the flu so they can’t vote.  Think about it man.  Fucking think about it!

Dudes, have you noticed that the conservative press is so afraid to cover John Kerry’s campaign events that they are focusing on only two stories right now?  Story one: the Olympics.  Story two: the swift boat bull shit.  I’m tired of both. 

The Olympics could be cool.  Unfortunately, like everything else we get involved with, the US managed to mess it all up.  Man did you see the men’s 200 meter last night?  It started out pretty cool.  The Greeks were all chanted and booing.  It was like one big protest.  Once the race finally started, the American’s won all three metals.  What the fuck man?  Of course the Greeks were pissed if we’re going to be all selfish and shit.  Typical Americans capitalist crap!    

Get this though man.  Did you see what happened after the race?  Unlike other teams who run around or wave to the crowd or something, the Americans got together and prayed.  What the hell?  Like God is on our side or some shit.  Dude, here a stadium full of worked-up people and the Americans totally turn their backs on them to pray.  I know I’ve said it before, but we really need new leadership.

Then there’s the continuing bull shit about the swift vets.  Man, who the fuck cares anymore?  I’ll tell you who, the conservative media complex.  Why else would they still be talking about this?  It’s not like Kerry hasn’t been providing them with other stories either.  Dude, he went windsurfing last week, but I didn’t see a single story about that.  Instead the media has to focus on some crap that happened 35 years ago.  What the hell!

It’s cool though man.  The whole swift vet bullshit is totally showing who’s more presidential.  I mean dude, here’s John Kerry getting personally attacked and George Bush won’t even step in to stop it.  What kind of leader is that? 

In times like these we need aggressive leadership.  John Kerry is threatening to sue the swifties, his lawyers are trying to get the ads off television and his campaign is actively trying to get bookstores to stop selling the book.  That’s real leadership man.  That’s why John Kerry would make a good president. 

Anyway dudes, next week should be way better for watching the news.  The republicans are going to have their stupid little party in New York.  That will be boring as hell.  The networks aren’t even going to show most of it.  Wait ‘till you see the direct action we have planned for the streets though man.  It’s going to be awesome.  This will put an end to the swift boat story!

Dudes, never before have we more desperately needed strong leadership on foreign relations.  The so called “dream team” is embarrassing American, and George W. Bush isn’t even talking about it.  If we are going to be respected abroad we must have a dominant international basketball program.  That’s why we need John Kerry in the white house. 

John Kerry is an experienced athlete.  Kerry is a proficient snow boarder.  He rides a racing bike.  George bush can’t even ride a bike without falling off.  And John Kerry even windsurfs.  With experience like that in charge, the USA basketball team would be something worth dreaming about again.  It’s time to make America America again!

This Cambodia stuff is such bull man.  What does it matter when Kerry was in Cambodia?  The point about the war on terrorism is that Kerry actually went to Vietnam.  Think about it man!  How can you fight a war on terror if you didn’t go to Vietnam? 

Dude, not only did Bush not go to Vietnam, he was AWOL.  That draft dodging deserter didn’t even show up for his weekend warrior bull shit.  Thank God for Moveon.org too man.  Otherwise we wouldn’t even know about Bush’s National Guard record. 

Now it turns out that one of the swift vets’ for truth is a liar.  That comes as no surprise.  Of course Bush claims that he has nothing to do with the swift vets.  That’s another lie.  Why the hell hasn’t Bush condemned the swift vets’ ads then?  Think about it man.  Fucking think about it!

Dude, I’ll admit that I’m not that enthusiastic about John Kerry.  People tell me Kerry is a good liberal, but I really haven’t seen it yet.  I like Denis Kucinich and Ralph Nader much better.  Even so, I’ve got to support Kerry, because I can’t stand Bush.

I’m pretty sure we don’t have anything to worry about man.  Kerry was in town yesterday, and I’m sure he’s going to win.  Check this out dude.  Only a couple hundred people showed up to his rally.  There weren’t any protesters to speak of.  Dude, if Bush came here, the streets would be packed with protesters.

People hate Bush man.  After yesterday, I don’t think anyone has strong feelings about Kerry.  Think about it man.  If nobody cares enough about Kerry to even protest him, he’s bound to win.  Man I can’t wait to get rid of Bush.

Dudes, what’s up with Fox News?  Nigel, I believe they call it Sky News over there, but I’m sure it’s the same crap?  I really like Ted Turner’s commitment to philanthropy, so I usually watch CNN.  The other day I thought I would expand my horizons though.  I checked out Fox News for the first time.

Man, Fox is the most hypocritical network ever.  First of all these guys call themselves fair and balanced?  What’s fair and balanced about still talking about one canister of chemical weapons that was found over a week ago?  That’s not even news anymore.  If it was really fair and balanced, they’d be talking about Abu Groping instead of trying to cover it up with this old story.

It’s really weird too man.  I mean Fox in general is really cool.  It started out great with the Simpsons and Married With Children, and it has only gotten better.  I just don’t understand how a network that produces so many good shows can also produce such terrible news. 

Think of all the money their spending on the Fox “news” channel too.  If we were able to put that money to use, think of all the children we could feed.  Think of all the school books we could buy.  Hell, think of all the money we could spend on a true alternative media like Air America. 

Dudes, that’s why there should be a way to control what gets put on tv.  If there was a way for the people to decide what gets put on tv, think about how much more efficient it would be.  Fox could still make all their great shows, but they wouldn’t waste all that money on their so called news.  Think about it man.  Fucking think about it!